Meet The Car Star of Ghost Guard — The Phantom

I just completed work on the first draft of my new novel, GHOST GUARD: AGENTS OF INJUSTICE. It’s the second book in the series, and one that I hope will stand to the first. As many of the reviews say, the storyline and character and plot twists in the first book are unique. It’s hard to duplicate that sort of uniqueness in a sequel. However, I believe wholeheartedly I achieved exactly that in part two. At least I want to believe it, ha ha! Anyway, to mark a minor milestone in the progress of getting this book out to publication, I wanted to share with you a little of the story. It’s about the car that Rev drives. You see, Rev is a ghost. He’s not your ordinary ghost, though. He used to be a race car driver, and now he’s part of an elite squad designated to protect the supernatural world. To aid in his work, Rev drives a modernized version of the car he used to drive when he was alive back in the 1920s.

phantom4 It’s a 1925 Rolls Royce Phantom 1 Jonckheere. One amazing card designed for its time, and even for today.

Here’s my description of the car from AGENTS OF INJUSTICE:

The sleek thing looked like a winged bullet. Low to the ground and curved on top with a windshield angled to an ungodly low profile. A stealth fighter with wheels, but with the charm and sophistication of the nineteen twenties. Long and lean. A black and silver slipstream of aluminum with the highest tech under the hood. There was a mystical charisma contained within its rounded headlights, mounted on both sides of the prodigious chrome grille, a slab of elegant chrome topped by a tastefully lavish hood ornament; a statuette of Nike, the goddess of speed, ensconced between the fenders. Fenders seemingly fashioned by the force of the car cutting through the wind. Sleeked back and molded into the shape of what speed would look like if it were a physical object. An extended engine compartment. Wheel covers in front are two solid discs. The wheel covers in back are the fenders themselves, which curve and bend into an arrow shape, cut into a fin on the back and two fins on the rear fenders, creating less drag and a ghostly appearance. A phantom. The appropriate name for such a wraith-like automobile.

The Phantom plays a crucial role in the plot for AGENTS OF INJUSTICE. And Rev’s past–the fact that he died while driving in a Grand Prix race–comes into play. But you’re going to have to wait until September to find out exactly how and why!

My Works In Progress

As you may or may not have noticed, my blogging record is less than stellar. I just can’t seem to get into the blogging groove, and that’s fine as far as I’m concerned. Quite frankly I believe at this, still the fledgling stages of my writing career, my time is best spent writing. And bloggin’ ain’t writin’. With that said. I would like to use this space for updates on my projects, what they are, when they’re scheduled to be released, and what readers can expect from them. Here are my current works in progress, what we in the biz call WIPs.

  1. 8 MINUTES  – Length: Novella  – Genre: Supernatural Thriller  -  Expected date of release: January 2014  -  Notes: This is a fast paced, nonlinear story about a man who is racing against the clock to save his girlfriend and quite possibly thousands of others from a deadly viral outbreak. The only way he can do it is by finding a mysterious window of cosmic energy that rains down from space and hits the Earth in different places at different times…and for only 8 minutes.
  2. GHOST GUARD: AGENTS OF INJUSTICE (Working title may be changed) – Length: Novel -  Genre: Paranormal Thriller with Romance and Action – Expected date of release: July 2014 – Notes: This is the second installment in the GHOST GUARD continuum. This one is good…better than the first in my opinion. Rev and Abby are together, but that doesn’t stop the sexual tension and sparks from flying. And with a cult of high-tech soul kidnappers, they’re mission brings the team to the edge of disaster.
  3. JACK JAMES and the CHILDREN OF THE BLUE CRYSTAL – Length: Novel – Genre: Children’s Fantasy/Sci-Fi – Expected date of release: Summer 2014 – Notes: Jack is back! Takota and the Tanakee have helped to save the Children and now that they are all safe at the Black Pyramid, the real work can begin, the work of saving the universe from those nasty Nagas and their evil overlord, Essinis. But there’s one problem. Amelia is missing, and she might very well hold the key to the Eteean victory or defeat.
  4. UNTITLED – Length: Novel – Genre: Dystopian -  Expected date of release: Late summer/early fall.  – Notes: This is a book I’d set aside for a number of years and now feel I’m ready to continue to completion. It’s a Dystopian love story set against the backdrop of America’s future second Civil War.

Scary Christmas – Supernatural Secrets of the Holidays

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

paganxmas4 Days until the magic of the Season enchants us all.

I call it Scary Christmas. I call it my countdown to a Horror Holiday. But as I wrote in earlier posts, this series is not just about horror, but about celebrating everything scary, paranormal, supernatural, and just plain weird about this time of year.

With that in mind, and with the days until Christmas growing shorter, I am feeling the spirit of the Season. That warm, magical inner glow that defeats the gloom of the nasty weather and the cold and the short, dark days. And as such, I am shifting away from the things that fright to the things that delight. From the scary to the supernatural. Because Christmas is teeming with supernatural. And who is more supernatural than Santa?

pagansantaSanta the Pagan god. Saint Nicholas is a famous icon who is purported to have lived around 500BC. His myth expanded rapidly and he became the patron saint of many different people, including children. According to the consensus among religious historians, St Nicholas did not really exist in reality.  Instead  he is a Christianized edition of previous Pagan gods. The Nicholas myths were mainly started from tales of the Teutonic god called Hold Nickar, aka as Poseidon in Greek mythology. This efficacious god or the water was known to fly in the sky during the winter solstice, granting wishes to his followers down on Earth.

Santa the Sasquatch. Some believe the legend of Santa comes from the stories of the Wildman of the middle ages. He was a bearded ape-like creature . His body was covered in thick, matted hair.  The habitat of the wildman was the northern woods where he lived in a cave or den. His traditional beast of burden was the reindeer. Sound familiar?

Santa the Psychedelic Shaman. Even though the image of Santa Claus we see today was created partly by the marketing wing of Coca-Cola, in truth his looks, clothes, mannerisms and companions all mark him as the personification of psychedelic mushroom-gathering shamans of old. One of the side effects of eating these magic mushrooms is that the flesh on the face display a  reddish glow. Ever wonder why Santa is always depicted with glowing red nose and cheeks?

Stop by tomorrow for the continuation of Supernatural Secrets of the Holidays

Scary Christmas – My Top 10 Childhood Scars of Holidays Past (Part 2)

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

scarysanta5 Days until this nasty, creepy elf comes to town!

When I was a young boy, all kinds of things frightened me. Still do. Christmastime was no exception. My wild and distorted imagination would conjure all kinds of terrible thoughts, ideas, and images whenever I encountered anything even remotely strange. I guess that’s why I can come up with so many story ideas to this day, but I digress. The focus of this countdown is to examine all the creepy, supernatural, paranormal, and downright bizarre things about Christmas. And today is part two of my Childhood Scars of Holidays Past…

5. Elves. I know. They’re small and cute and they help Santa all year long by making the toys that he gives to all the good girls and boys. I know. And when I was three, I knew. But that didn’t change the fact that they were scary to me. Their beady eyes. Their pointed ears. And it frightened me to think that even though they were tiny, they lived hundreds of years. Anything that lives that long is creepy in my book.

bumble4. Bumble the Abominable Snowman. You know Dasher and Dancer and Comet and Cupid…We all know Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. And we’ve all seen the claymation special that runs on TV every year. It was a staple around my house when I was a little lad, and I own it today. I love the story, the characters, and the moral behind it all. But when I first saw the animation, back in the early Seventies, the part with the Abominable Snowman scared the willies out of me. Those gigantic teeth. That menacing roar. It was enough to give me nightmares for weeks.

3. Stretch Armstrong. If you’re old enough, you might remember this fellow. It came out in the Seventies and was widely popular with us kids at the time. I understand it made a resurgence recently, but I don’t see them around any more. I’m talking about Stretch Armstrong, a doll, made of rubber, that would–you guessed it–stretch. It boy would it stretch. We’d get that puppy reaching across the room, both arms and legs plus the neck! Loved that thing. What I didn’t love was the day we stretched poor Armie too far and he burst open like the victim of a massive knife wound. It was ugly, all this reddish, sticky goo spilling out like someone had eviscerated him. The grotesque realism freaked me out, and I never played with one again.

2. Weebles Haunted House. Okay, this was a favorite toy of mine, and I must say that I have no really terrible childhood memories about it. Remember Weebles? Not the lame version they have today, but the Seventies ones. They were soooooo cool. I had all kinds of sets, and the Haunted House was far and away the best. It had a trap door, boarded windows, a spooky distorted mirror, really fun decals, and, best of all, a glow in the dark ghost Weeble! Man that thing was a blast. The only scarring memory I can think of is that I don’t own one anymore.

1. Santa. How could anyone be afraid of Santa? I think that now, but a lot of kids cry when sitting on his lap. When in my formative years, the whole idea of Santa freaked me out. What was he? A supernatural being? A regular man with magical abilities? A sorcerer? All I knew was that he saw me when I was sleeping, and that was scarring. Bad enough he sneaked around in the middle of the night in my house. Oh, sure. He brings presents. But so do child murderers. I used to think about that kind of stuff. Seriously.

There you go, my top ten Childhood Scars of Holidays Past. What about you? Do you have any frightening memories of the Holidays you would like to share? Feel free to leave a comment.

Scary Christmas – My Top 10 Childhood Scars of Holidays Past

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

scrooged-bill-murray-ghost-of-christmas-past6 Days until the Ghost of Christmas Past returns to give you a present!

The world looks different through the eyes of a child. Clouds are fluffier. The sky is bluer. Everything’s bigger. Scary things are scarier. Even the Holiday Season is fraught with fright. As a child, I found all kinds of things to be afraid of, and it started with all the secrecy and furtive behavior by mom and dad. Even at an early age, when I still believed in Santa, I knew something was fishy about their whispers and sneaking around and that began my strange relationship with the Holidays. But it didn’t end there. Like I stated, lots of things about Christmas used to freak me out as a kid. Here are my top ten…

10. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town was and still is one of the most beloved Holiday songs ever written. Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, even  Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus have taken turns recording the chestnut, making it a perennial classic. It’s a wonderful tune. And it’s terrifying. Just think about these lyrics, “He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.” What is Santa? An NSA spy or something? Let me get this straight. This big, scary guy living in the North Pole is watching my every move? I want a restraining order, pronto! Seriously, that played games with my head when I was three.

9. That Awkward Gift From Your Great Aunt You Never See. It doesn’t sound so scary, but this one always bend my noodle. How to tell someone thank you for a gift you absolutely despise. We’ve all gotten those strange presents, the Lionel Richie LP or the homemade cookies that tasted like chalk. I used to fret about those unwanted turds and how to react appropriately.

8. Mistletoe. Sure, as an older kid, I loved the stuff. A teenage boy would do well to carry a sprig of it in his pocket, ready and accessible at a moment’s notice. It’s a perfect excuse to steal a kiss at a festive holiday gathering. But, as a pre-adolescent, I was terrified of the stuff. I mean, girls were always trying to trap me underneath it. Yuck! Cooties!

heat2heat27. Stop Motion Animation. I know, I know. These shows, aka Claymations, are holiday classics. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. The Little Drummer Boy. The list goes on and on. Families have gathered for generations to watch and enjoy these timeless gems. So what can possible be scary about them you ask? Plenty. For one, the clay models have that dead look in their eyes. And quite often the animation flaws would appear, and strange things would move or twitch when they weren’t supposed to. But what scared me the most was one character…Mister Heat Miser from The Year Without a Santa Claus. Man, that dude was freaky.

6. Christmas Trees. I was a sensitive kid. Never liked to hunt or fish. Didn’t like the thought of hurting those poor animals. That sensitive consideration extended to all of nature’s creatures. Not just the ones with faces, either. Plants and trees are living, breathing organisms, and I understood that even from a very early age. So the thought of cutting down a tree to celebrate Christmas, a season of lights and life, seemed antithetical to me. And it was a little sad. For years my family had a plastic tree, and that was okay, but to this day I prefer a living tree, one that I can plant in the ground after the season has ended.

Stop by tomorrow for my next five Childhood Scars of Holidays Past!

Scary Christmas – The Dark Snowman

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

evilsnowman17 Days until…thumpity thump-thump. Thumpity thump-thump…

Let’s play a game of word association, shall we?

Winter.

Cold.

Snow.

Snowman.

What winter would be complete without snow? I know, a lot of the country is blanketed in the stuff right now, which makes today’s post in the countdown all the more relevant. Building snowmen was one of my favorite winter pastimes as a child. Still is. Do it every chance I get. Something about a snowman that typifies the season, with his top hat and his button nose and his…well, you know the rest. He’s jolly and round and fun…but he can also be terrifying. Those dead eyes. That gravely smile. His frozen expression. When I was a wee lad and saw Frosty the Snowman for the first time, it scared me a little. The thought of this huge, inanimate being coming to life and talking to children. It’s eerie when you think about it, and it left a little scar on my sensibilities.

I guess it was that scar that inspired the snowman scene in my thriller novel, BITTER COLD. The story is about a shapeless creature that inhabits the snow and turns it black as night. As the creature destroys a small town, eating people and houses and everything in its path, the black snow comes upon a child’s play area, which is inhabited by a familiar fellow. Here’s the excerpt…

A glass door slid open in one of the apartments across the street. A man in his forties, wearing underwear, rumbled out to his back patio. Kicking aside a cheap plastic lawn chair, he leaned against the railing and peered toward the commotion.

Jeff ran to the curb, slipping to a stop.

“Man! Get out of there! Now! Everybody in the apartments! Get out!” he cupped his mouth and turned to the houses ascending the hill. “Everybody! Wake up! Wake up! Get OUT!”

April, Logan, and Evan joined Jeff, coaxing the man in his boxers to leave. More people came out to their porches with sleepy eyes and unkempt hair, wearing bathrobes, pajamas, underclothes. They stared at the crazy people in the Jackpot parking lot. Some laughed. Most looked annoyed, especially the first guy, his wife-beater stained with grease, his balding hair cropped short. Not until they saw another burst of sparks from a nearby power pole did they shut up and take notice of the danger.

Too late.

Jeff felt like the breath had been punched out of him when he saw a crest of black snow rise over the concrete wall that separated an empty Chinese restaurant parking lot from the three-level apartment complex. He ran without thinking toward the devastation. Logan yelled at him to come back. April took him by the hand, turned him around, and forced him away. He couldn’t help watching over his shoulder.

In a small patch of grass behind the apartments was a snowman with a crooked head, an icy red scarf, and a humorous, pebbly smile. Blackness engorged Frosty from bottom to top, transforming the jolly character into a charred demon. It lurched forward, waddled a few quick, awkward paces, then toppled over a children’s playset before finally breaking apart, crumbling into chunks while the dark creature charged toward the building.

Underwear Man took one look at the stained snow and bounded into his apartment, slamming the door closed. The other apartment dwellers copied him, dashing into their units, squawking obscenities about their escape. It didn’t matter. The monster had already found a way to their patios, windows, doors.

The ground rumbled. The apartment building shook. Jeff had to stare, marveling at the monster’s strength as it cracked the structure like an egg—roof caving in, glass shattering, pipes bursting—it drowned out everything except the screaming, the distinct sound of a child in distress. Jeff’s blood boiled even more. He needed to help, but knew it would have been suicide.

Then an explosion made everybody at the gas station duck for cover. The three-level complex had been reduced to one. Screams of agony spilled from the shattered, steaming pile of lumber and insulation, broken glass, wires and plumbing. A woman crawled through a split in the roof, stood, and cried out loud. Her ankles began to smolder. She looked down and went quiet. Her expression told the story. Excruciating pain. She reached for her feet and her hands dipped in blackness. She looked like she couldn’t stand back up. Struggling, wincing, shaking, she finally managed to shout as the dark snow pulled her in, swallowing her with one gulp.

Jeff stepped back, spurred on by April’s shaky yet strong-willed lead. She seemed determined for all of them to live. It renewed his own resolve, even when all seemed lost. He sensed Logan behind him and reached out.

“I’m here, Dad!”

I’m thinking you might not look at snow or snowmen the same way again after reading BITTER COLD. Thanks for stopping by. Please come back tomorrow as my countdown to a horror holiday continues.

Scary Christmas – A (not so) Sweet Christmas Story

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

eviljack8 Days until you get a little surprise under the tree!

A (not so) Sweet Christmas Story

THIS IS THE time of year when most writers sit at their desks and try to think of things to pen that would give holiday readers a warm, special feeling. Well, as you may or may not know, I on occasion love to write horror. Gory, tense, heart-stopping terror. For some reason or another these types of stories seem not to be appropriate for the season. So for this post I’ll eschew all my impulses toward the macabre and try my damnedest to write a sweet Christmas story. Here’s one of my ideas:

Billy stood in the cold December wind, his face bright red, scorched raw by the frost. He was hurt. Hurt mentally because it was Christmas Eve and his parents couldn’t afford to buy him any gifts. They didn’t even have enough money for a decent meal. He was also hurt physically because of his small size and his vulnerability to all of the cruel things the bigger, richer kids did to him.

Every day it seemed a group of rich kids would kick Billy around until they had him writhing helplessly on the ground. Today was no exception. He had, in fact, just picked himself up after being tossed into the snow by a rather large boy, and was now standing there, his eyes glossing over as the boys ran away.

He knew they’d be back, and issued a curse under his breath. A curse of hatred and revenge. A curse of instant punishment. In one cataclysmal prayer, he called to the gods of sweet retribution for help.

And, while the tears streamed down his frozen cheeks, his call was answered. A blinding light appeared in front of him, soaring into the air until it finally stopped and took the shape of a shimmering door. The door opened and out stepped a grey old man dressed in a long, flowing robe.

The man carried a box adorned with all kinds of colorful, whimsical patterns. He set it down and said, “This is a magical Jack-In-The-Box. If you crank the handle until the Jack comes out he will grant your every wish.”

Billy could only stand there, eyes wide, jaw gaping. Before he had the chance to respond the old man was gone, vanished as quickly as he’d appeared.

Billy picked up the lavishly designed box, glancing over it just in time to see the group of thugs closing in on him again.

He knew the kids were going to hurt him, so he feverishly turned the crank on the box. The gang of kids seemed to race with the box’s music as it quickly played its tune:

“Da-Duh Da-Duh Da-Duh-Duh Da-Duh, Da-Duh Da-Duh Da-Duuuuuh-Duh, Da-Duh Da-Duh Da-Duh-Duh Da-Duh, Pop! Goes the weasle!”

The scowling kids reached Billy just as the Jack sprang from the box. It looked around at the would-be attackers. They paid no attention to the toy. They grabbed Billy but he held tight to the box.

The Jack looked at Billy and said, “What is it you require, oh gracious master?”

Billy was being choked by several people at once, yet he still managed to cough out the words, “Kill them!”

The Jack wasted no time. An intense beam of twisting light shot from its fingers, tearing holes into the stomachs of three thugs. Two more beams followed. Six attackers went down, their bodies mangled and spewing blood.

Some survivors of the initial attack started to run. The Jack pointed his fingers, and in a flash—wait a minute. What am I doing? I promised I wouldn’t write this kind of story. I guess I can’t help it. Sorry.

Maybe I should try again for Valentine’s Day or something. Merry Christmas, anyway.

Scary Christmas – Unintentional Christmas Creepiness

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

xmascard10 Days until Christmas…have you sent your Holiday Bleeding cards yet?

It’s been a singular pleasure of mine to bring you some of the best scary, strange, and outright bizarre oddities of the Holidays. From spooky practical jokes to horrifying gift ideas to grotesque tree ornaments, the list has been as diverse as it has been weird. However diverse, everything I’ve highlighted so far has had one thing in common–they’ve all been deliberately done. Whether poorly executed or brilliantly pulled off, they’ve all been purposeful in their intent to be different.

Now let’s take a look at another side of the strangeness of the Season. The unintentionally strange side. We’ve all seen it. From the Santa who keeps making the kids pee their pants he’s so scary to that inappropriately violent song that makes fun of Grandma’s untimely and obviously painful death, there’s a ton to choose from when you want to examine what I call Unintentional Christmas Creepiness. Here are just a few examples.

timburtonscocoacafe

Have a sip from Santa’s creepy head?

Unintentionally Creepy Decorations – A mug sounds harmless, but drinking hot cocoa out of Santa’s head? Just weird. On stellarfour.com they have a great list of unwittingly spooky decorations for the Holidays. A ceramic Santa holding a knife, a blood-licking elf with unnaturally disproportionate limbs, and Santa on the toilet. I agree. It’s pretty disturbing precisely because it wasn’t meant to be disturbing.

deformed santa

source: cracked.com

Giant Disfigured Santa – This tragically deformed Santa Claus statue one time  lived in Auckland, New Zealand. At 66 frightening feet tall, it not only was imposingly ugly,it also moved. His finger struggled to keep up a pace of 27 beckons per minute or 25,920 times a day. That’s right — it’s finger did a rapid, “Come hither, little girl” motion. One more creepy detail, it winked too.

Unintentionally Creepy Christmas Albums – wolf-tiger hybrids leering at little girls and a severed clown head on a Nut Cracker Suite album. A Christmas clown with a mesmerizing stare. A singer who looks ostensibly like a sex offender. This website lists some extremely disquieting album covers with Holiday themes.

meansantaUnintentionally Bad SantaThese are probably the most common culprits of unwitting holiday horror. They don’t mean it. They look forward to the Season with a twinkle in their eyes. They grow beards all year long in loving anticipation of the kids and their gift wishes. They even own their own suits. But something about their sidelong smile, or their buggy eyes, or their shabby outfit reeks of creepiness even a little kid can’t deny.

Scary Christmas – 10 Spooky Holiday Pranks (Part 2)

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

jasonsantaIt’s Friday the Thirteenth, and 11 days until Santa Voorhees comes to town!

Can you feel it? That special feeling in the air that comes but only this time of year? What is it, you ask? Kindness? Brotherhood? That profound and warm benevolence we receive during the Holidays? No. I’m talking about that itch to really get someone good with a fright-filled practical joke! Yesterday we looked at some really fun ones. Today we conclude with the next five of the 10 Spooky Holiday Pranks.

6. The Christmas Present Scare Prank is a variation on the old girl in the cake routine. Only with a giant cake you expect a girl to pop out. With a giant Christmas present, you expect maybe a TV or an awesome stereo unit. What you don’t expect is your husband’s friend to jump out and scare the crap out of you.

finger-in-a-box-prank7. Finger in the Box. This is a chestnut of present pranks. I found a really good instructional website that shows how to make this simple yet effective prank. The key is you have to hold the box while your ‘victim’ opens it, sees the severed and gory appendage, and the Christmas horror hilarity ensues.

8. Rattlesnake Eggs. This one was first shown to me by my Grandfather when I was ten, so you have an idea how long it’s been around. Even still, it’s a favorite for young and old alike. You give someone a pouch with the words “Rattlesnake Eggs’ emblazoned on the sides. What they don’t know is there’s a washer wound up on a rubber band inside, and when the pouch is opened ever so slightly, it vibrates and makes a rattling sound sure to unnerve even the smoothest of characters. Usually the pouch is dropped to the floor and screams issue forth.

scaringsanta9. Scaring Santa. I listed the scary snowman yesterday, but it’s so funny it’s worth another look. This episode is from a different season of the popular running gag, and the scary snowman hilariously startles the crap out of Santa. It’s a definite LOL!

10. World’s Largest Gummy Worm. Okay, this isn’t exactly a prank per se, but it sure is creepy. It’s an amazing 24 inches long and weighs about 3 lbs, and when you’re eating it, it looks like it’s eating you!

Scary Christmas – 10 Spooky Holiday Pranks

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

xmasdrummer12 Days until the little drummer boy drums for YOU!

Something about the Holidays that brings out the mischievousness in many of Santa’s little helpers. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the overall furtiveness of the season. Sneaking around. Hiding things. Keeping secrets. Telling children lies about some fat man in a red suit who won’t bring them presents unless they are good little boys and girls. It’s just a whole month of mischief! No wonder why it’s a grand time of year for a deliciously devilish practical joke. I’ve scoured the net and compiled my list of the best of the best in what I call, 10 Spooky Holiday Pranks

santaelfprank1. Scary Santa Elf Prank Toronto. These mutant elf Santa things are the epitome of creepy. In the video they roam around the streets of Toronto viciously ringing bells in people’s faces and that’s supposed to be fun. At least the people pretend it’s fun. I just think it’s disturbing.

2. The Scary Snowman Holiday Prank. This one you might have seen, and that’s because it’s a great one. It starts out innocuously enough, with a cute and cuddly stuffed snowman on a storefront sidewalk. As a passerby passes by, the snowman drops the sign it’s holding (ostensibly due to wind?) and when the person picks up the sign, the snowman lunges toward them, and hilariousness ensues.

3. The Funny Scary Snowman Prank is a little different take on the original version (see number two), and this time Frosty isn’t so cute and cuddly. In fact he’s a menacing and tall and disheveled monster with a crooked carrot nose and a threatening frown of coal. When people pass by, he not only lunges, he chases them. It’s scary hilarious!

gutterhangxmas4. The Greatest Christmas Decoration Ever! At least that’s what it was called a few years back when it first hit the web. A classic is always worth a revisit, and this one is so good because of it’s realism. I mean, don’t you just want to run over there, pick up that ladder and help that poor “guy”? Great prank!

5. Bad Santa and his Questionable Gifts. This one is more a sociological study than a prank. It’s interesting to see people’s reaction to a shabby Santa handing out shabby gifts. I just about lost it when a girl unwrapped a present to find what she described as an unmarked bottle of apple juice, LOL!

Stop by tomorrow for the next five Spooky Holiday Pranks!

Scary Christmas – 10 Creepy Tree Decorations (Part 2)

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

scary santa113 Days until this guy leaves a lump of flesh in your stocking.

Considering Part 1 of the  Creepy Tree Decorations series, I’ve managed to assemble quite a bizarre Christmas tree. But I’m not done yet. Why not go all the way and make it as strange and scary as we can? To finish the job, here are five more of the weirdest ornaments I could find.

zombie-christmas-ornaments6. Zombie Christmas Ornaments. Keep your kids from peeking at their presents by guarding the tree with this assortment of undead characters: Gingerbread Zombie, Zombie Stocking and Zombie Mistletoe.

wicked_green_skull_ornament7. Wicked green Halloween skull. The spooky green skull hologram on this ornament is great for a horror themed tree. Perfect ornament or stocking stuffer for teens or Goths.

plushgorygingerbread8. Gory Plush Gingerbread Men. Mildly inappropriate for children, yet somehow adorably gory. These perfectly dreadful guys combine just the right amount of cute and gross to make it work.

plusheye9. Knitted Eyeball Ornament. Keeping with the plush theme from the previous ornament, this looks surprisingly real, giving you the convenience of having a plucked-out eyeball without all the muss and fuss.

eyeblob10. Last but certainly not least…I don’t have a clue what this thing is (maybe it’s that lump of flesh I was talking about earlier), but all I know is I want one. The website says it’s one of Santa’s lesser known minions, and that it has FIVE eyes. Now that’s creepy!

Scary Christmas – 10 Creepy Tree Decorations (Part 1)

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

scaryxmastree14 Days until…Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
of all the trees most bloody!

Welcome to my countdown to a horror holiday, where I celebrate everything scary, paranormal, supernatural, and just plain weird about this time of year. I’ve highlighted gift ideas for the paranormal and horror fans in your life. Why not make their horror holiday complete with a creepy Christmas tree? Add some spice to the centerpiece of the holiday and make it really fun and frightening. Don’t know where to start? You’re in luck, because I’ve compiled ten of the best Creepy Tree Decorations.

gothicsanta

1. This Gothic skeleton skull Santa Claus is sure to give your little horror aficionado plenty of nightmares before Christmas.

babyskullsXmas

2. These metal baby skulls will certainly create a terrifying tree , and once the holidays are over, you can wear them as jewelry!

xmaseye

3. “EYE” don’t think there’s a creepier or more unusual tree ornament than this! Is this how Santa sees you when your sleeping, hohoho!

xmasfutureornament

4. The Ghost of Christmas Future, from the Dickens classic A Christmas Carol. This piece is excellent because not only does it satisfy the ghost lovers in the family, it can also fit in with the more traditional tree ornaments.

Zombie-Bird-Feeder_31098-l

5. Let this Zombie hang with you and yours this holiday season! It’s technically a bird feeder, but it would also make a terrifying and terrific tree ornament. And no two are exactly alike – the paint details may vary as these gems are hand painted.

Stop by tomorrow for the next five Creepy Tree Decorations!

Scary Christmas – Paranormal Holiday Pictures (Part 2)

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

zombie-santa-and-reindeer15 days until…Bodies roasting on an open fire. Zombies nipping at your nose…

I took Sunday off from the countdown. But I’m back, and today it’s part two of the Paranormal Holiday Pictures. Who hasn’t seen one abnormality or another in their festive family photos? An eerie, unexplainable double exposure. Odd spherical objects known as orbs. Funnels of curling, twisting sinister mists. Well, in this blog I examine those anomalies and more.

Orbs are an intriguing phenomena. Though the sightings of these strange spherical, luminous objects have been mostly explained away as reflections from dust particles, some of them appear to be more than that. Are they spirits? Some other supernatural entity?

In this picture, obviously at a Christmas party, the orbs appear to be of varied colors, which may be due to the holiday lighting. Or, possibly, the colorful entities are attracted to things that are similar to themselves, and the tree lights present an enticing opportunity to make a friend.

ghost-baby

source: ghost-pictures.org

Sometimes, when presented with possible evidence of an otherworldly presence, one must keep an open mind. At the same time, one must consider the possibility it’s an outright hoax. Such as the case in this picture. Supposedly this is a shot of a girl who died of pneumonia at the age of three. The person who took the picture says the house had always been haunted by the ghost baby since she died, and visitors have seen her.

christmas-ghost2

source: moonslipper.com

This is another picture in which the photographer swears the “ghost” is a family member. In this case, his brother who died of cancer. The amorphous cloudy shapes could be interpreted as menacing if you look at it long enough. Creepy! The question is, what is it? The photographer’s breath? Steam from the sewer? Whatever it is, it’s weird.

Ghost-husband

source: ghosts.ws

And finally, here’s a picture obviously taken at a family holiday gathering. The anomaly is similar to the one in the previous photo, only more subdued, possibly to the fact that this spirit possesses less energy. Just a hypothesis. What is it? Cigarette smoke? Hair on the camera lens? Or a deceased member of the clan, hoping to share in some Christmas cheer with loved ones?

Stop by tomorrow for the next post in my Scary Christmas countdown to a Horror Holiday!

Scary Christmas – Paranormal Holiday Pictures

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

ghostxmasstockingsIt’s 17 days until the big day…have you hung your stocking with care?

Is there any time of year when people take more pictures than the holidays? Family and friends with ear to ear grins. The children opening presents. The decorations on the tree. Snapshots of memories meant to last a lifetime. But what if those pictures sometimes end up capturing uninvited guests?

I’m talking about ghosts or other supernatural phenomenon showing up in the shot. You probably have seen it online. Possibly you’ve witnessed it firsthand. I know I have, and the experience was quite surreal. Strange shapes and orbs of light. I know orbs have been mostly debunked, but some of them were quite odd, with grotesque faces and misshapen heads. It was very scary. Though I don’t have those pictures anymore, I found many interesting examples of Paranormal Holiday Pictures…

evilface

Image credit: © Yitsak

I’ll start with this pic, only because if it’s real and not manipulated, then it’s one of the scariest apparitions I’ve seen in a photo. Look on the wall in the dark part near the center of the picture (click to enlarge). There is what appears to be a glowing face of some sinister and loathsome character.  Is it a hoax? Possibly. The image is creepy nonetheless.

christmas-1993-orb

moonslipper.com

Here’s another strange Christmas Tree picture, only this one is of a vapor trail, like something has moved quite rapidly toward the tree then changed directions and then possibly dematerialized into the ether. This ectoplasm trail isn’t the first the photographer claims to have taken.

christmas_spirit_ghost

angelsghosts.com

This Tree shot is dramatic and striking, showing two large extending appendages and an amorphous nucleus of ectoplasmic vapor with a distorted shape of a human skull. Or is it human?

Treeghost

healing.about.com

This paranormal Christmas picture is special, in that the strange and luminous spherical haze is located in a significant spot on the tree. The family had lost their father, and hung a special ornament on the tree in remembrance of their dad and husband. Miraculously, the strange “spirit orb” is centered directly on the ornament, and they believe it’s their dad’s presence! Inspiring!

That’s all for today. Thanks for coming by and please visit tomorrow for more Paranormal Holiday Pictures!

Scary Christmas – 10 Gift Ideas for Paranormal Lovers (part 2)

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

fright-before-christmasEighteen Days  until…the FRIGHT before Christmas, when all through the house, grotesque creatures will be stirring…

 

Welcome to SCARY CHRISTMAS, my countdown to a horror holiday, where I celebrate the paranormal side of the season. Yesterday I posted part one of 10 Gift Ideas for Paranormal Lovers. I searched high and low for some truly nightmare-inducing gifts sure to please even the most jaded horror fan in your life. And today I present the next five gift ideas, once again listed in absolutely no sensible order…

alien_facehugger_plush6. Alien Facehugger Plush I can’t imagine this being the most comfortable pillow in the world, but sometimes you gotta suffer for your passion! Lovers of the Alien franchise will absolutely have to add this to their collection, and morbid people I’m sure would get a kick out of snuggling with the little guy.

bleedingskullcandle7. Bleeding Skull Candle My family had one of these when I was young and impressionable, and the very sight of one today sends shivers down my spine. Light up the Bleeding Skull Candle and begin your night of mayhem and horror. As it burns, bright red wax will ooze from its eye sockets and down its face, pooling ever so deliciously on the table.

anatomical-skull-tote8. Anatomical Skull Tote Bag This stout canvas carry-all features a vintage anatomy illustration and is the perfect size for carrying a severed  human head. That worked out well!

zombiefoot9. Zombie Foot Dog Toy Are you a prepper? Then don’t forget Fido! Prep your pooch for the zombie apocalypse with this squishy vinyl dog chew toy that looks remarkably like the detached foot of the undead.

xsanta_monsters_gift_wrap10. Santa Monsters Gift Wrap You can’t wrap these delightfully accursed gifts in just any old Christmas wrapping paper. The designs feature monsters in Santa hats, and the website says it’s creepy, but still holiday-appropriate.

Scary Christmas – 10 Gift Ideas for Paranormal Lovers (part 1)

My Countdown to a Horror Holiday

christmas-ghostNineteen days until you get a mysterious visitor down your chimney!

Got a paranormal lover in your life but don’t know what to get him or her for Christmas? Tired of giving the same old things–T-shirts and DVDs and video games? Look no further. I’ve scoured the net and uncovered some real gems for that special horror/supernatural fan you know and love. Here, in random order, five Gift Ideas for Paranormal Lovers:

1. Deluxe Ghost Hunting Kit GHkit… With the Deluxe Ghost Hunting Kit, you’ll be armed to gather the most credible evidence of paranormal activity a living person can obtain. The kit contains the most up-to-date instruments available, including an EVP listener to track Electronic Voice Phenomena; a Digital Infrared Pen Style Thermometer to indicate temperature changes that often occur when entities are present; and a vital EMF meter to detect magnetic fields that might indicate ghostly energy in the vicinity. The Deluxe Ghost Hunting equipment kit fits into a convenient case that can be packed and unpacked quickly, so you and your team can hit several locations in one evening.

skeletontp2. Skeleton Toilet Paper Holder … What horror fan wouldn’t want this clever little guy? And it would probably be pretty safe bet they don’t have one of these already. Quite a unique gift idea for that skull collector in the family. And this isn’t some cheap piece of plastic, either, but heavy poly-resin that looks and feels ceramic.

legomonsterhunters3. Lego Monster Fighters Set … I loved Legos as a kid. Still do. Any Lego set to me is awesome, but this one ranks up there as one of the all time greats. The crooked Haunted House is home to the scariest ghosts and monsters. Tremble in fear as you open the gate, go weak at the knees as you step onto the porch and gasp in horror at the fireplace, kitchen, office, folding staircase, bedroom, potion room, music room and collection of other creepy objects. Dare you enter the Haunted House!

redrumnecklace4. Redrum Necklace … Heeeere’s Johnny! Nothing says happy holidays like jewelry. For that female thriller, chiller, and bloodspiller lover in your life, you can’t go wrong with this amazing pendant necklace inspired by the classic story The Shining. Intricate laser cut stainless steel pendant in black powder coat eggshell finish.

siamese_twins_candles_og1017_m60505. Siamese Twins Candle … This creepy candle features a pair of conjoined twins (made of parrafin wax) floating in a bath of clear gel wax. It’s a subversive twist to the traditional jar candle, and is sure to be a great conversation-starter on Christmas morning.

Stop by tomorrow for the next five gift ideas for horror fans!

Scary Christmas – Countdown to a Horror Holiday – Haunted Tours

killersanta20 days until this guy comes crashing down your door!

Welcome to SCARY CHRISTMAS. Count down the days until Christmas with me by celebrating everything scary and paranormal and just downright strange about the holiday season. Every day until the big day, just like an advent calendar, I’ll be dispensing a scrumptious morsel of Christmassy horror goodness. And for today’s offering…a phenomenon that has sprung up in the last several years and seems to be taking hold as a popular new tradition: Haunted Holiday Tours.

Who doesn’t have a Christmas tradition? Some of mine were going to the local tree farm and selecting the perfect noble fir as a family. Sledding on frozen Milton Creek. Baking gingerbread men…and biting off their heads! Traditions are the stuff of cherished memories, and they have an enthralling way of making the yuletide season magical. Maybe you’re looking to start a new tradition and, if you’re like me, you want it to be as strange and as interesting as possible. In that case, a haunted holiday tour may be just the thing for you.

A haunted Christmas tour is exactly what it sounds. Some tours are lantern-led strolls back in time through old towns rich in history of ghosts and legends. Others are celebrations of wine and spirits and…spirits. Whatever the differences between them, all haunted holiday tours have one thing in common–they are the stuff of tradition. Here are some of the many haunted tours happening around the country, are there any close to your neck of the woods? I know I’m looking for one nearby!

metamoraGhosts of Christmas Past” Walking Tour in Metamora, Indiana Each year at Christmas time, Metamora celebrates its rich heritage and traditions. In addition to the annual celebration, they are offering a fascinating and entertaining Ghost Walk that will include an actual paranormal investigation. For more information call 765-647-0670 or visit Whitewater Valley Paranormal.

holidaytour1Haunted Denver Tours Holiday Spirits Tour Join Brian and Baxter of the Rocky Mountain Paranormal Research Society on a tour of holiday lights and hear some classic Denver ghost stories while looking at the great Denver neighborhood holiday decorations. www.haunteddenvertours.com

appalachianghostwalks-bigfootAppalachian Ghost Walks Take a haunted and historic vacation. Learn the history and origins of our most beloved Christmas traditions with our annual “Ghosts of Christmas Past” Holiday Ghost and History Tours appalachianghostwalks.com

 

“Scary Christmas” My Countdown To A Horror Holiday Begins

Sing with me, everybody… 

“There’ll be scary ghost stories and tales of the GORY Christmases of long, long ago”

GhostChristmas

 

Christmas is a time for death.

Sure, I know what you’re thinking. No it’s not, you idiot. It’s time for peace and joy and goodwill to all. A time for giving and family and food and gathering with friends. Well, you’re right, on all counts. Christmas is for all of those things.

But it’s also a time for death.

It’s a time for death, ghosts, goblins, and ghouls. Let’s face it, Christmas is all about the paranormal. Some of the greatest tales of the season are infused with it, from A Christmas Carol to It’s a Wonderful Life to The Nightmare Before Christmas. I could go on and on listing the links between the afterlife and the holiday season in popular culture and classic literature. One of my favorite Christmas memories of all time is going to see the Nutcracker as a child. Do I have remind you about all the swordplay in the story and, ultimately, the graphic demise of the Mouse King? Death and violence, even in a seemingly innocuous children’s ballet, speaks volumes of our taste for the morose, even during this, the most festive of seasons (Side note: One of my other all-time fav memories involves me and my brothers renting Friday the 13th Part 1,2, & 3 and watching them back to back on Xmas eve).

And why, you may ask, do we love our horror stories this time of year? Maybe it has something to do with our shared history.

Long ago, Pagans recognized the winter solstice as the shortest day of the year, meaning the night the longest at that time also.  They saw that, during the extended darkness, the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead was at its thinnest.  Everything outside is dead, cold, and dark…a perfect recipe for ghosts to walk the earth.demonfrosty

And the perfect opportunity for a SCARY CHRISTMAS countdown. It’s my inauguration into blogging on a full time basis, and I thought I’d start with a fun look at the frightening side of the season. Every day from here till the big day, I’ll post something new. The best holiday horror novels or movies of all time. The best paranormal Christmas activities and events. Maybe even a ghost story or two.  It’ll be like one of those Advent Calendars. Remember those? Eating a piece of chocolate everyday while counting down to Christmas–so awesome! That’s what my SCARY CHRISTMAS will be like. But instead of chocolate, you’ll get a scrumptious morsel of Christmassy horror goodness.

More to come…

-J

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