My Countdown to a Horror Holiday
10 Days until Christmas…have you sent your Holiday Bleeding cards yet?
It’s been a singular pleasure of mine to bring you some of the best scary, strange, and outright bizarre oddities of the Holidays. From spooky practical jokes to horrifying gift ideas to grotesque tree ornaments, the list has been as diverse as it has been weird. However diverse, everything I’ve highlighted so far has had one thing in common–they’ve all been deliberately done. Whether poorly executed or brilliantly pulled off, they’ve all been purposeful in their intent to be different.
Now let’s take a look at another side of the strangeness of the Season. The unintentionally strange side. We’ve all seen it. From the Santa who keeps making the kids pee their pants he’s so scary to that inappropriately violent song that makes fun of Grandma’s untimely and obviously painful death, there’s a ton to choose from when you want to examine what I call Unintentional Christmas Creepiness. Here are just a few examples.
Unintentionally Creepy Decorations – A mug sounds harmless, but drinking hot cocoa out of Santa’s head? Just weird. On stellarfour.com they have a great list of unwittingly spooky decorations for the Holidays. A ceramic Santa holding a knife, a blood-licking elf with unnaturally disproportionate limbs, and Santa on the toilet. I agree. It’s pretty disturbing precisely because it wasn’t meant to be disturbing.
Giant Disfigured Santa – This tragically deformed Santa Claus statue one time lived in Auckland, New Zealand. At 66 frightening feet tall, it not only was imposingly ugly,it also moved. His finger struggled to keep up a pace of 27 beckons per minute or 25,920 times a day. That’s right — it’s finger did a rapid, “Come hither, little girl” motion. One more creepy detail, it winked too.
Unintentionally Creepy Christmas Albums – wolf-tiger hybrids leering at little girls and a severed clown head on a Nut Cracker Suite album. A Christmas clown with a mesmerizing stare. A singer who looks ostensibly like a sex offender. This website lists some extremely disquieting album covers with Holiday themes.
Unintentionally Bad Santa – These are probably the most common culprits of unwitting holiday horror. They don’t mean it. They look forward to the Season with a twinkle in their eyes. They grow beards all year long in loving anticipation of the kids and their gift wishes. They even own their own suits. But something about their sidelong smile, or their buggy eyes, or their shabby outfit reeks of creepiness even a little kid can’t deny.